


Blue Gold, Gold Blue

by raindropfeathers



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Batfamily (DCU), Court of Owls, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is Not Okay, Dick Grayson is Renegade, Dick Grayson is a Talon, Hurt Dick Grayson, Hurt No Comfort, Multi, No Dialogue, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, dick is really messed up, in like one line, maybe? - Freeform, this one is kinda dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29562900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropfeathers/pseuds/raindropfeathers
Summary: Talon reflects on himself.
Relationships: Artemis Crock/Wally West, Batfamily Members & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson/Wally West - Unrequited
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Blue Gold, Gold Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warnings:  
> Self-Harm  
> Blood  
> General Court of Owls stuff (torture, death, murder)  
> Nonconsensual Drug Use is implied (like brainwashing stuff)  
> In one line it implies that Dick was suicidal  
> Talon is really not okay in this  
> Lots of self-blaming  
> Let me know if I miss anything!  
> Stay Safe <3

He stands in front of the mirror, unblinking. He had already taken off his makeup, showing the black veins that crept up his pale face. He is washing his hands, even though he doesn’t need to. A little dirt couldn’t do him any harm.

  


He hates his eyes. Gold, unchanging gold. Once he had taken his fingers and had clawed out his eyes, just so he wouldn’t have to see the monster he had become for a few seconds. They grew back in, painfully, but he welcomed the pain. The pain was deserved for a monster like him. Blood was all over the counter, and he had to scrub at it for three hours. A grueling task, but he didn’t do it alone. Bruce had come and helped. That’s why he doesn’t want to take out the contacts.

  


His eyes were blue now. The same color they had been Before. Before, he barely remembers Before. It is a hazy mess, colors and warmth and cold air. His family told him stories of before, stories of before them too. He doesn’t remember any of them. He pretends he does. They don’t need to know that he wasn’t who they remembered.

  


Talons were taught to act human. Easy for recon, easy for travel, easy for disguises. They weren’t taught to lie. A lie would get him fifty lashes, twenty more per word. The whip had steel spikes and was handled by Owl Khione. Owl Khione knew the whip well, about as well as Catwoman. He had only lied once (a simple “Did you kill the child?” “Yes, Grandmaster.”) and learned his lesson. (Not because of the pain, never because of the pain. Great Grandfather made him watch as he finished the job. Great Grandfather made sure it was painful. The girl went into shock. Talon did not.)

  


That does not mean they don’t know how to lie. Talons were taught to read body language. They know how people act when they told the truth, how they act when they lie. They know what they shouldn’t do when lying. (Jason says that Dick was a bad liar. Talon knows that is not true. He was a performer, was he not?)

  


They do not realize that Talon lies. Just like Before. 

  


Talon wishes they saw, sometimes. It would be easier to just break down in front of them and be comforted and reassured and helped. But that is bad. They would be hurt if Talon shows weakness. They need Talon to be strong. Talon must lie. 

  


He wonders what they would do if they saw him lying. They tell him that they are not like the Court. They tell him that they will not hurt him. He wants to believe them. He doesn’t.

  


They have strange rules. They do not allow him to kill. Talon does not understand. Death is rest. Why should they deprive them of that? (He thinks that Dick did not understand either. Talon doesn’t tell them. They need to think that Dick was good.)

  


They also do not allow him to get hurt. When Talon cut off his pinky finger in front of him, they were mad. They told him not to do it again. Damian had left the room. Jason had yelled. Tim was sad. They were all sad. Talon tries not to do it in front of them again. He needs to make sure they aren’t sad.

  


They are trying to find a cure. There is no cure. The Court made sure of that. They ignore him when Talon tells them so. It makes them sad. Talon does not speak of it again.

  


They gave something to him when they took him from the Court. _A cure,_ they said. _It will help you regain your memories._ The Court did something similar. The Court’s was more effective. 

  


The memories came. They did not stay.

  


(Dick had sobbed. There was too much. Too much coming back. The Invasion _Everyone hating him. Yelling, blaming, pushing. They couldn’t see. The cowl, the team, the mole, Damian, Jason, everything at once. The summit. Wally._ The pressure, the stress, the secrets he was buried in. The resignation. Deathstroke. Slade. Renegade. _The betrayal. He thought that Slade wouldn’t have- He was a mercenary. Of course, he would take the money._ The Court. White walls. It was bright, too bright. The water was drugged. _No, no, please, Dami, Jay, Timmy, Steph, Cass, no, Dad, please don’t leave me! Please!_ His Great Grandfather. His life. It hurt.)

  


Whatever had happened hurt them too. They were sad. Angry. Mourning.

  


(He still remembers feelings. Love. Jealousy. Grief. Nothing in Dick’s life was happy, as far as he can tell. Pain.)

  


Dick’s friends come over. A few times. Talon tries to avoid them. They stop coming after a while.

  


(Artemis calls Dick’s phone once, late at night. Her voice is happy. She tells him that they have a way to bring Wally back from the speedforce. Dick stirs at that. He feels happy. And jealous. And guilty. She hangs up before he can reply.)

  


(A month later, the phone rings again. Talon doesn’t answer it. They leave a message. Talon listens. _Hey, Dick, it’s Wally._ Dick starts sobbing. He doesn’t pick up the phone. _I came back. Turns out Artemis was my lightning rod. She brought me back. Proposed on the spot._ He feels jealousy. Anger. Grief. His sobbing stops. _The wedding’s next month. You’re invited._ Talon does not go to the wedding.)

  


The water is scalding hot. It is burning his skin. He pauses in washing his hands. Talon watches as the skin repairs itself. Turns out that a reanimated corpse is delicate. He adds more lavender soap and turns up the heat. It is not enough. (It will never be enough.)

  


He knows a lot of things about Dick. He knows that most of the moves he uses during training are from Before. He knows that Dick has only been in love with one person his entire life. He knows that the blood that stains his hands and the red that taints his vision are from Before. He knows that the urge to fall is from Before.

  


They do not know any of this. 

  


He does not tell them. He will never tell them. It was important to Dick that they do not know. Talon might not know Dick, but he respects his wishes. It is rude to ignore a dead man’s last request. 

  


Tim sits with him in Dick’s bedroom, telling him stories of Before. Bruce does this too. It is through the stories that he learns that Jason does not make any more zombie jokes. That is a shame. Talon does not mind zombie jokes, and if he could make jokes, Talon would certainly joke about his condition. That is what Dick would do. 

  


That is not the only thing that Talon learns. He learns that Damian does not use the sketchbook that Dick gave him. He learns that Jason does not wear the black leather jacket with a Robin patch on it anymore. He learns that Cassandra does not go on the trapeze and that Stephanie no longer makes blue waffles on Sunday mornings. He learns that Tim doesn’t train surf anymore and that Bruce doesn’t listen to disco music. He learns many things that they do not mean to share. He tries to fix this. 

  


(He tried to convince them to play Twister, once. They enjoyed it. They laughed. Talon wanted to play next week, but then it went missing. He does not know what happened. But there is one thing that he learned that he will never forget: Don’t go looking into things you aren’t supposed to. He does not try to figure it out. He does not want to know.)

  


They seem to be under the illusion that they are safe. It is funny and distressing. They tell him that they won, that the Court is gone. Talon plays along. They do not need to know about the claw marks in the attic or the feathers under his bed. If they do not know, then the Court will leave them be. 

  


(They will never leave him be. He is The Gray Son Of Gotham, and he is theirs. Always was, always will. This little charade will not last. When they call, Talon will come. That is what he will do, no matter how much Dick would despise it.)

  


There is a knocking on the door to the bathroom. It is Stephanie. All the other bathrooms must be in use. Talon turns the water off. He waits for the skin to repair itself, before looking back up at the mirror. He reaches up and takes out the contacts. He blinks a few times, trying to get used to having no contacts again. He takes one quick look at the mirror before exiting the bathroom, Stephanie at the door. He hates how his appearance makes them flinch. His eyes are uncovered, glinting gold. It makes no difference how you order the words. They are still blue gold, gold blue.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Did I write this entire thing just for that line at the end? Maybe.


End file.
